Circumcise the foreskin of your heart
BS"D
Many of you know that I've been wearing tzitzit for years. Tallis Gadol, Taliis Katan, traditional, renewal, men's styles and women's styles-- I'm a woman of many fringes to be sure. But recently my thoughts on women and tzitzit have been shifting and I'm not so sure I need to be wearing them all of the time anymore. Something that happened a few weeks back at Jerusalem Camp/Rainbow reinforced this shift and now I find my self back out again in women's ritual frontier land, struggling as always, but with joy!
From Jerusalem Camp at the National Rainbow Gathering 2006
On my second morning in camp one of the brothers was asking if anyone had an extra tallis katan that he could borrow as his had become unusable. No one did, but since I am not obligated to wear fringes and he is, I offered him the set I was wearing. This all worked out briliantly except then I had no tzitzit, which was strange, like being naked somehow. I went up to a friend of mine and asked him if he knew where extra tzitzit were and he offered me the set off his back, and I mean literally off his back. It turns out his tallis katan was way too big for me, wearing this garment would have ridiculous on my part, but as I handed his tzitzit back to him I discovered my frenetic need to wear tzitzit satiated by the moment, as if the moment itself was tzitzit. Since then my need to wear tzitzit has greatly diminished because the memory of that moment inscribed itself on my heart and is there indelibly for permanent reference.
I still wear tzitzit, but as a meditative device. I find myself shifting shifting back into my tallis gadol and continuing to explore women's styles of tallisim, but the traditional tallis katan-- I think it needs to be for the guys!
Thanks Fellas for all of your support!!
Blessings!
Many of you know that I've been wearing tzitzit for years. Tallis Gadol, Taliis Katan, traditional, renewal, men's styles and women's styles-- I'm a woman of many fringes to be sure. But recently my thoughts on women and tzitzit have been shifting and I'm not so sure I need to be wearing them all of the time anymore. Something that happened a few weeks back at Jerusalem Camp/Rainbow reinforced this shift and now I find my self back out again in women's ritual frontier land, struggling as always, but with joy!
From Jerusalem Camp at the National Rainbow Gathering 2006
On my second morning in camp one of the brothers was asking if anyone had an extra tallis katan that he could borrow as his had become unusable. No one did, but since I am not obligated to wear fringes and he is, I offered him the set I was wearing. This all worked out briliantly except then I had no tzitzit, which was strange, like being naked somehow. I went up to a friend of mine and asked him if he knew where extra tzitzit were and he offered me the set off his back, and I mean literally off his back. It turns out his tallis katan was way too big for me, wearing this garment would have ridiculous on my part, but as I handed his tzitzit back to him I discovered my frenetic need to wear tzitzit satiated by the moment, as if the moment itself was tzitzit. Since then my need to wear tzitzit has greatly diminished because the memory of that moment inscribed itself on my heart and is there indelibly for permanent reference.
I still wear tzitzit, but as a meditative device. I find myself shifting shifting back into my tallis gadol and continuing to explore women's styles of tallisim, but the traditional tallis katan-- I think it needs to be for the guys!
Thanks Fellas for all of your support!!
Blessings!
posted by Maggid Sarah @ 2:53 PM
7 Comments:
At 10:11 AM,
Yoel Natan said…
Last night Ethan and I got to positing how, in an era when gender issues are so electric in our community, your generally ambiguous gender expression definitely is part of the Universally-Palatable Jewish Presence that you put forth in the world. I wonder if/how this modification will affect that. :)
At 12:21 PM,
Maggid Sarah said…
BS"D
I wonder too. In fact, I wonder so much about this, that I've been loath to change my "dress code" for this very reason, as ambiguity is a tool that serves my maggidut well. On the other hand, I'm thinking that as I become stronger and more confident in myself Jewishly and as a Jewish teacher-- then shouldn't my presence itself be enough, do I still need the dress code? Can I work from all places on the gender spectrum from skirts as easily as pants? Maybe an open expression of my femininity will allow me to teach from a deeper place. And more importantly, to me at least who am about to turn 35, is my current state of gender neutralness preventing me from finding a husband and having children? Is my maggidut more important than raising a family?
At what cost this universally palatably jewishness? I think it's costing me a lot. Perhaps necessary, but costly. What think you? Curious...
Peace!
At 3:11 PM,
Tzipporah said…
Hey there!
we were talking about you just yesterday, in the context of planning the bris and whether to do pidyon ha-ben ("bad cohen" feels a strong no to that second half).
I wish I could offer you some wisdom on the gender expression issue - I think you have a very strong presence as YOU, regardless of your clothing style, which will not and should not change. So feel free to experiment with other styles, if that's calling you.
But rest assured that you WILL have a part in raising children, since you are so integral to the lives of many of your communities' youngsters, whether they are "your own" or not.
At 11:55 AM,
Maggid Sarah said…
BS"D
Hey Tzipporah, shalom shalom!
Thanks for your encouragement, especially on the raising our communal kiddos front. As far as Gender issues go-- I'm here to say that my internal level of comfort with gender identity is very high, which is exactly why I am allowing myself more fluidity in the dress code department. I agree with you that my "presence" is awesomely me, despite whatever garb I may or may not be wearing-- all the more reason not to let femininity exclude me from traditionally male environments Jewishly or otherwise... or for that matter to not let masculine traits exclude me from feminine environments...
The truth is, I've always loved my feminine nature, but am just now coming into a time where I like to externalize that nature. I'm not feeling like I have to give up anything of who I am, and I doubt I'll stop dressing in a manner that allows me to go adventuring through the world in the way that I do. Moreover, now that my made-for-child-bearing hips have asserted themselves, I'm discovering that skirts fit so niiiiiiiiiiicely and make me feel liberated in a way that constrictive jeans don't. What am I saying? I'm saying, "hey, I'm feeling cool and groovy with all of this shift of clothing, in fact, my clothing is shifting because I'm feeling cool and groovy with all of this!"
As for Tzitzit, I am partnered with fringes for life, so no worries there. The question for me isn't whether or not to wear tzitzit, but in what manner and when. I've never felt comfortable in a men's traditional tallit katan. Everytime I put one on I feel like I'm telling my breasts, you have no place here. It's not a very womanly thought, so it bothers me and inhibits the meditative process of tzitzit for me. The first set of tzitzit as tallis katan that I wore was a set I made myself that was more like an apron (a double apron, fron and back, a skirted garment). This set of tzitzit was extremely comfortably and felt a lot more feminine to me. In fact, it enhanced my sense of being a woman and was a hugely positive meditation to be immersed in. So I'm going back to exploring skirted options for women's tzitzit.
Meantime, what about the when of wearing tzitzit? The experience I gave in the posting "Circumcise the foreskin of your heart" was just the beginning... fearing backlash from my feminist friends and also trying nor to out a romantic interest prematurely I didn't give over the whole experience, but here it is now, because I think it's important to this discussion.
In fact, I'm going to create this as a new blog post-- see you on the main page!
Blessings!
At 9:27 AM,
Yoel Natan said…
...as I become stronger and more confident in myself Jewishly and as a Jewish teacher-- then shouldn't my presence itself be enough, do I still need the dress code?
The greater possession you have of your voice, the greater dynamic range you can employ with subtlety and effectiveness. (And the greater dynamic range you employ to harmonious ends, the greater possession you have taken of your voice!) I would say you still "need" the dress code -- insofar as presentation always makes a difference, because it is in fact a dimension of your presence -- but it need no longer be so rigid, because you possess the awareness and the sensitivity now to adapt yourself to a wide range of situations in harmony.
Is my maggidut more important than raising a family?
Is peace more important than love? :)
I think that if the two are in opposition, something is fishy.
At 1:08 AM,
Maggid Sarah said…
BS"D
Hey Joel, what can I say to that? You are translating for me as usual.
-- hard to tell sometimes whether truth hurts or is liberating.
Blessings!
At 10:25 AM,
Yoel Natan said…
hard to tell sometimes whether truth hurts or is liberating
Ameyn. :)
Blessings back!
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